GRILL A COW

Plus, grilling with gas~charcoal~hardwood~in a pit~rotisserie~cast-iron pan~grill basket~and checking the temperature of fires with your hand~and the wisdom of drinking alcohol while grilling

Francis Mallmann watching over a cow grilling over an open fire

Grilling with Francis Mallmann: A Whole Cow

I do luv to grill. I’ve got my faves. But for this newsletter I searched internet recipe sites high and low, first. The internet didn’t do it for me this time. Then I took a deep dive into my cookbook larder and hauled out some of my all-time favorite cookbooks for inspiration.

In 2009, “Seven Fires” by Francis Mallmann, with Peter Kaminsky, was released. Subtitled “Grilling the Argentine Way,” it includes a fantastical guide to grill a whole cow, as gauchos do on the Pampas, vast plains extending westward across central Argentina from the Atlantic coast to the Andean foothills. This is a recipe that must be conquered: One medium 1,400-pound cow, butterflied, skinned, and cooked. Such an ambitious, complicated cross between a banquet and a construction project won’t be attempted by many of us. But, the directions include: Start fire with 20 large logs; put the cow on a truss with strong helpers; and raise it to 45-degree angle with the bone side facing the fire. Grill overnight and well into the next day. For more—which I can’t believe you want to know—buy the cookbook. If this “medium” cow project is too much for you, a 25-pound butterflied lamb may be more to your liking.

Here’s a delightful duo of YouTube videos with this Argentine philosopher-wizard of fire cooking, recorded over the past many years. There’s much to learn from him even without ever making one of his dishes, from burnt tomatoes to charred oranges to butterflied spring lamb or pig fastened to an iron cross, where it cooks for hours in the glow of live coals.

Mallmann’s most recent cookbook, “Green Fire,” was just released this month and is all about grilled fruits and vegetables.

“Green Fire.” Photo credit: William Hereford

Grilling with Steven Raichlen: Salmon, Eggplant Parmesan, and Artichokes

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this salmon dish, but my copy of “How to Grill,” by Steven Raichlen, came out in 2001, and is literally falling apart. And it’s my only cookbook that’s in such a condition. Not all pages—just p. 309 to 313, which is a recipe for rum hot-smoked smoked salmon. (Please note that this recipe can also be used for other fatty, rich, oily fish, such as bluefish, bonito and Spanish mackerel.)

While it may take four hours to cure, its indirect grilling only takes minutes. I’m a dry cure, vs. wet cure, guy, usually one part salt and two parts sugar combo. Honey, molasses, or maple syrup, or a mixture of these, can used in place of sugar. Remove the salmon’s skin, bury the salmon, top and bottom, in fish cure, and put it in the refrigerator for four hours. Rinse the cure off, plot dry with paper towels, and let it dry 15 minutes. Woods that are good for this dish are alder, apple, and cherry, since hickory and mesquite are too strong. Soak four cups of wood chips in cold water for an hour. Cook by indirect heat for 15 minutes, give or take a couple of minutes.

Cedar-planked grilled eggplant parmesan is one tantalizing recipe in Raichlen’s 2021 “How to Grill Vegetables.” The cookbook also has a couple recipes for grilled artichokes. One is stuffed with chopped garlic, fresh mint, and drizzled with peppery olive oil and grilled right on the embers. The other recipe is for direct-grilled on gas grills.

Grilling with Michael Ruhlman: Branzino

Ten years later, in 2011, Michael Ruhlman published “Ruhlman’s Twenty,” a cook’s manifesto of techniques and recipes. For me, Ruhlman been an idol, a soul mate, and a star cookbook author for more than the past decade by then when he co-wrote “The French Laundry Cookbook” in 1999. In “Ruhlman’s Twenty” he offers his branzino dish, European bass. Plus, The Wall Street Journal chimes in with its own Branzino recipe here.

Grill with Pat Martin: West Tennessee Whole Hog

One brand spanking new cookbook is “Life of Fire,” by Pat Martin and Nick Fauchald, a James Beard Cookbook Award finalist for “Death & Co Welcome Home: A Cocktail Recipe Book.” Martin is a pitmaster working in Nashville’s whole-hog barbecue industry. Martin traces fire through its life cycle: Birth, youth, adolescence, middle-age, the golden years, old age, mature coals, and dying embers. All are live fire, to be used for grilling, charring, ash-roasting, and cold-smoking. And he micro-guides us how to cook with each stage. Even foil-pouch cooking instructions that we first learned as Girl- Cub- or Boy Scouts is included. For good measure, he throws in more guidance: How to use grill basket and cast-iron skillet; how to build a spit; and pit cooking, which is exponentially more advanced.

Martin was born in Memphis in the hospital Elvis was pronounced dead in. When he cooked his first whole hog he experienced an epiphany: “Hooked, really, the moment tattooed barbecue on me emotionally.” His first employee in his very first restaurant was “. . . [h]ighly intelligent, an Eagle Scout, a redneck, and a practicing Rastafarian.” Martin would walk live hogs through the dining room of that restaurant. Guests were soon lining up to watch the piggy action and to take pictures.

Quoting from “Life of Fire:” For me, fire is the heart of cooking. Which means that having the right kind of wood—and enough of it—is vital. Also essential is knowing how to turn that wood into a steady supply of coals, as is learning how to read and understand those coals while they burn, whether it’s a short, hot fire for a quick grilling session, or if you’re cooking low and slow for hours or days.

Building the Fire: The best wood for barbecue is usually the hardwood that grows closest to you . . . Youth, the Hot, Temperamental Fire: The heat of young coals is intense and fleeting . . . the kind you want for charring and searing. I especially love vegetables this way . . . .Middle Age, Open-Pit and Spit Barbecue: Once your bed of red-hot coals has cooled down a bit, you’re ready to cross the line from grilling to barbecue. The Golden Years: Pit barbecue . . . the guide to West Tennessee whole hog. Old Age, cooking in ashes and embers: Any dense vegetable with a good amount of internal moisture will work.

You’re going to get tastier results—no matter the style of grill you use—if you cook with coals from hardwood fire rather than bagged charcoal—the amount of wood smoke flavor you get from wood can’t be matched by charcoal . . . The hand test: To gauge the temperature of the grill, I hold my hand about four inches above the grate. The grill is ready for high-heat grilling when I can only hold my hand there for 2 to 3 seconds. (This isn’t a contest so don’t be the douche who tries to see how long you can hold it there before going to the Vanderbilt burn unit. Just hold it there until it starts to sting a little.)

If you’re going to drink bourbon . . . during the cook, splurge on one incredible bottle. Don’t bring a handle of cheap whiskey for getting drunk. Drink whatever you like in the end, but cooking hog is an endurance sport, and getting yourself or your crew hammered is gonna make it real hard to get to the finish line . . . If you have a flame-up in your pit, don’t freak out; just get your shovel in there through the opening in your pit and smack the fire down with it until the flames are out . . . Whole hog in the ground: If you can successfully cook a hog in the ground, then in my humble opinion you’ve reached the pinnacle of live-fire cooking, and you’ve earned your barbecue black belt.

There’s more to learn. Rubs and how to apply them. Mops. Sourcing of pigs and hogs for barbecue: Breeds, size, specs, preparing to cook whole animals, and spit barbecuing. How to built the pit. The fire. The West Tennessee whole hog, 175 pounds which will feed 200 people. How to load the hog. Monitoring the temperature. The flip. The end. The pig pickin’. Pits for smaller cuts of meat. “Arsh”—ash-roasted—potatoes. Foil packs—remember when you were a young Cub Scout or Boy Scout or Girl Scout cooking in them for breakfast, lunch, or dinner? I’m not going to go into cold smoking because it’s an advanced art, requires construction of a smokehouse, and curing meats. It really isn’t barbecue, after all, but “Life of Fire” does go into it, so if country ham or cold-smoked hog jowls or duck breasts or beckon, go fetch the book!

What You’ll Need to Grill

You’ll need a grill and Food & Wine magazine ranks some for you. And Tagwood BBQ has some spectacular, other worldly grills. Then come grilling accessories from Good Housekeeping. The Spruce Eats weighs in on grilling mats. Stock up with plenty of your chosen fuel. Then budget enough time to carve out your grilling adventure.

THE GREAT TUNA-WIGGLE SCANDAL

Me I'm a lifelong fan of tuna-noodle casserole. I've always used canned mushroom soup.

FaceBook Friend #1 Why am I shocked/vaguely horrified to learn that you (of all people) use canned mushroom soup?! P.S. Recipe with mayo sounds equally disturbing!

Me Well, I rarely make the dish myself but, if I did, I'd say: "My mother made me do it!" That's how she cooked. If that isn't enough, my wife, Sara, makes the dish the very same way because, I surmise, she'd say: "My mother made me do it!" That's how her mother cooked. What's more, I love the dish and it tastes yummy. But I accept your kindly mock shock and am sufficiently jolted to make my tuna noodle casserole in a new way—sans mayo! of course.

Friend #2 The mayo does sound disturbing. I googled and mayo is sometimes used as a thickener. But I used cornstarch and it was thick enough.

Friend #3 My friend’s mother, from Wisconsin, made “Tuna Wiggle.” Where the wiggle came from I don’t know. It was a basic tuna casserole.

Friend #4 Couldn’t try it after years of Catholic Boarding School . . . Every Friday and Ember days, to say nothing of Lent!

Friend #2 Have you made this yet? I sort of followed the recipe (I rarely follow them since I was 10 years old and added a teaspoon of almond flavoring to a yellow cake that I made from scratch and everyone raved over it.) I also found a recipe online for condensed cream of mushroom soup from scratch that called for chicken broth. I melted 2 tbsp of butter, added a chopped clove of garlic and a couple of green onions (because they make almost everything better) and then 4 oz of chopped mushrooms. Then 1 tbsp of sherry and 3/4 c of chicken broth. I'm gluten-intolerant, so I whisked 2 tbsp of cornstarch into 3/4 c of milk and slowly added that, bringing it to a boil. Added frozen peas and because I love artichokes, a few chopped marinated artichoke hearts. And finally, because I don't really like tuna, I added cooked chicken instead and will serve it over new potatoes instead of noodles.

Me I haven’t but I will!

Friend #5 This cracks me up!!

Me Hey, friend #5! You gotta tuna casserole recipe to share?

Friend #5 Not off hand but my Mom also used to make tuna wiggle. I hated it and I don't know why it was called that!

Foodie Adventures . . . Picnic-Crashing Wild Boar

Eataly Comes to San Francisco~Taste 90-Point Wines~Wild Boars Attack Woman in Italy

Eataly, this mega Italian grocery, bakery, wine shop, restaurant destination will join the family with it’s cousins which reside in New York, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Dallas. I’ve never been able to figure out why there wasn’t one in San Francisco in the first place . . . .

Wine Spectator’s Grand Tour in June will feature wines—from the world’s best wine-growing regions—in three cities: Las Vegas, Washington D.C., and Hollywood, Florida. All wines are rated 90 points or higher by Wine Spectator’s editors.

Wild Boar are so plentiful in Rome, Italy, that officials there are banning picnics! Might consider hunting them and turning the results into a splendid sausage, just sayin’.